Last year, if you would have asked me how spiritual enlightenment feels, I would have used words like wonderful, peaceful, serene, and happy. And that may be how it actually feels – once you get there. The road to enlightenment, however, that’s a different story. The road to enlightenment sucks. It’s hard tearing down everything about you and everything you believe in and starting from scratch. It hurts.
I started my spiritual journey about two years ago quite by accident. It all started with curiosity. I was currently a practicing Mormon and I had a question about some of the church’s doctrine. An internet search later and everything I believed was put into question and I felt weird. Weird is truly the only word I can use to describe it. I was experiencing so many emotions and all at the same time. I had just discovered that the beliefs I had my entire life were based on lies. That the story I had been told about the founder of the Mormon church, Joseph Smith, was a censored and watered down version. There were so many things that was never discussed at church. The church just swept it under the rug. At the same time, I felt like I had just committed a major sin by reading what I had read. I did the unthinkable and read “anti-Mormon” literature. But, in a strange way, I also felt relieved. Being a Mormon is hard. I could never live up to the Mormon standard. I had many questions, but wasn’t allowed to express them. The members of the church have phrase, “put it on your shelf.” If you found yourself questioning doctrine, you would simply stop thinking about it and put it away. This was the true church and we don’t question it. Well, now my shelf was broken. The church lost its power over me. Only now, I didn’t know what I believed.
I spent about eight to nine months just continuing to delve into the lies of Mormonism. Almost everything I read, watched, and listened to were created by ex-Mormons. I reached a point where that was no longer interesting to me. I didn’t need to learn more about the church and its lies. I needed to figure out what my truth is.
I had always believed in psychics and mediums. I believed that we all have spirit guides. I believed in the law of attraction. I had a limited knowledge about energy, but believed like attracts like. I began delving into all things considered “new age” and “spiritual” and found that these things really resonate with me. As I started practicing the things I’ve learned, I realize that I have a ton of work to go before I reach enlightenment. I have a lot of unresolved issues that need dealt with and opening up those old wounds hurts. But it’s a necessary step and I’m working on doing it.
This blog is going to be a place where I share what I’m learning about. I hope that you will participate too. I love learning new perspectives and new practices that others have!